Author Archive

The True Passive-aggressive Story...
The Real World Season 13: Paris - Episode 11
Summary by Spornan, 8/13/2003

All these goats ah retahded.

Everybody`s Stalkin` At Me
The Real World Season 13: Paris - Episodes 1 and 2
Summary by Spornan, 6/4/2003
The latest RW crew (a.k.a. The Mother of All Bombs) descends on Gay Paree. That`ll learn `em.

How to be Cool, a Guide for Old Fogies
Road Rules Season 12: South Pacific - Episode 1
Summary by Spornan, 5/27/2003

I won`t mention the Wedding in the title...Oops
RW/RR Challenge Season 06 - Battle of the Suckses - Episode 6
Summary by Spornan, 2/3/2003

Holy matrimony, Batman!

The New Adventures of Captain Hook
The Real World Season 12: Las Vegas - Episode 19
Summary by Spornan, 1/29/2003
ARRRRRRRRRR, dude.

Yup, it still sucks. (AKA: Meeting Fart-Cheese)
Survivor Season 5: Thailand - Episode 1
Summary by Spornan, 9/21/2002
Sheesh, like Thailand doesn`t have enough whores already.

Pleased to meet you, Kellisar...
The Real World Season 12: Las Vegas - Episodes 1 & 2
Summary by Spornan, 9/18/2002
Main Entry: hate
Pronunciation: `hAt
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hete; akin to Old High German haz hate, Greek kEdos care
Date: before 12th century
1 a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b : extreme dislike or antipathy : LOATHING [had a great hate of hard work]
2 : an object of hatred [See: Real World Las Vegas]

Big Brother episodes 592 and -4
Big Brother Season 3 - Episodes 10-11
Summary by Spornan, 8/3/2002

Hey Amy! Hope you took a cab home!

The first couple of episodes, I guess
Big Brother Season 3 - Episodes 1-3
Summary by Spornan, 7/17/2002
A new season of Big Brother is underway. How scary is that?

Please Please PLEASE Try This at Home, Kids
Road Rules Season 11: Campus Crawl - Episode 3
Summary by Spornan, 6/25/2002
The RR kids are instructed to drive cars fast and intentionally send them into a roll. The results are disappointing, in more ways than one.

It`s Like Deja Vu All Over A...
Road Rules Season 11: Campus Crawl - Episodes 1 & 2
Summary by Spornan, 6/18/2002
Yes, Road Rules is back, and for once it`s not just the audience puking.

Everybody Remembers to Hate Tonya
The Real World Season 11: Chicago - Episode 19
Summary by Spornan, 6/7/2002
All the senses were offended in this episode. SEE! As Tonya and Theo fight in the van. HEAR! The soothing, grandmotherly tones of Justin as he gives Theo a smackdown more terrifying than a doily-tatting party. SMELL! The relief as the roommates leave Tonya behind and depart for Boston. FEEL! The disgust of Theo patting himself on the back for not totally hating gays anymore. TASTE! The bitter disappointment as Justin discovers his dearest, darlingest one is involved with an older, father-figure type (wink, wink) photographer (grin, grin) who sends her money sometimes (nudge, nudge).

Well Where Else Was I Supposed to Pee?
The Real World Season 11: Chicago - Episode 17
Summary by Spornan, 5/24/2002
In another display of admirable resiliency, the RW kids get right back to business as usual: bitching at mom, sleeping around and using your friends. Oh, and urine. Lots of urine. Spornan`s got the goods in Well Where Else Was I Supposed to Pee?

Survivor on a Sunday? Well when else are you gonna pray?
Survivor Season 4: Marquesas - Episode 13
Summary by Spornan, 5/21/2002
In the words of a certain game show contestant flippantly quoting Christian scripture, "It is finished!" Yes, hooray! Survivor is over! God is good! After far too many years of covering these shows, we`d thought we`d seen it all; we didn`t think these human-looking creepy crawlies could devolve any lower -- and then along comes Vecepia, a special gal who just may have what it takes to take the title from Road Rulers Chadwick and Holly as the most haughty, undeservedly sanctimonious religion-abuser ever. The bright side to this is Spornan watched it all, got out his sacred tablets, and wrote down his vision for us to enjoy.

Riders of the Short Bus
RW/RR Challenge Season 05 - Battle of the Seasons - Episode 14
Summary by Spornan, 5/6/2002
was presented with building blocks made of poo, and was somehow able to construct a tower of epic literary something-or-other.

The Empower Rangers in -- Mission: Regurgitate!
The Real World Season 11: Chicago - Episode 13
Summary by Spornan, 4/10/2002
Psst! Come into the toilet stall for a minute. Spornan has some things he`d like to tell you about the latest RW episode.

The quest to beat Friends in the ratings
Survivor Season 4: Marquesas - Episode 1
Summary by Spornan, 3/2/2002
Jesus Christ is fast becoming the biggest media whore of the year as he makes an appearance in yet another reality television show. Jesus is no dummy, he knows the set of Survivor is the best place to find deserving guests for the Lake of Fire. Spornan kicks off the season with The quest to beat Friends in the ratings.

Belou`n Away by a Hurricane
RW/RR Challenge Season 05 - Battle of the Seasons - Episode 3
Summary by Spornan, 2/5/2002
This week, Spornan was entranced by the eloquence of Belou (who wasn`t?) and did his best to do it justice in Belou`n away by a Hurricane.

This is Tight: A true story of love, nudity, betrayal, nudity, whining, nudity, and sex.
The Real World Season 11: Chicago - Episodes 1 and 2
Summary by Spornan, 1/16/2002
Season Premiere.

Amrani`s Day Spa
Road Rules Season 10: The Quest - Episode 14
Summary by Spornan, 10/17/2001

It`s Just As Think As You Horrible It Is
Road Rules Season 10: The Quest - Episode 12
Summary by Spornan, 10/15/2001

The Finale Heard `Round Three or Four People`s Living Rooms
Big Brother Season 2 - Episode 29
Summary by Spornan, 9/20/2001

Beware the Teeth of a Frightened Julie Chen
Big Brother Season 2 - Episode 27
Summary by Spornan, 9/6/2001

RW/RR 10 Casting Special
The Real World Season 10: Back to New York - Casting Special
Summary by Spornan, 6/6/2001

Coral, When You Stab Me in the Eyes...
The Real World Season 10: Back to New York - Episode 10
Summary by Spornan, 6/6/2001

How Rachel Got Her Groove Back
The Real World Season 10: Back to New York - Episode 18
Summary by Spornan, 6/6/2001

What the hell is Kevin saying?
The Real World Season 10: Back to New York - What the hell is Kevin Saying?
Summary by Spornan, 6/6/2001

Poppin` cherries and cans of beans
Survivor Season 3: Africa - Episode 1
Summary by Spornan, 4/4/2001

The Finale, or Bryant Gumbel`s Fallen Career
Survivor Season 3: Africa - Episode 13
Summary by Spornan, 4/4/2001

Rejected phrases that led to `Balls of Shame`
Love Cruise Season 1 - Balls of Shame
Summary by Spornan, 1/1/2001

Mole Money, Mole Money!
The Mole Season 2 - Episode 3
Summary by Spornan, 1/1/2001

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