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2001-2003 Quotes |
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My future husband's previous girlfriend was on a RW. I will never, EVER speak
of this again.
The super-power I want is the ability to detect if a thread is interesting or funny before I begin reading it.
Anything that can distract
drivers from operating carefully is aces in my book. Driver looks at gaudy
memorial, strikes pedestrian, another memorial, another driver, ad infinitum. I
smell a cottage industry in the works.
>"He got out and said, 'If I survive until the morning, let's
I have an appointment to have my left eye raised to the same level as my
right AND straightened. Doc also said something about "brows are supposed to
equal same amount of eyes" I don't know what the hell that means, sounds like
some fascist conspiracy but WTF he said he would throw that procedure in for
free. And the best part of all; my ears are going to be closer to my head.
Thanks to everyone!!
Bag it... So wear a paper
bag over your head that says "I Love Paris Hilton- please kick me twice in the
crotch"
He can cut off his penis.
Chat... the IGA parkinglot of PlanetSocks.
If only Adam would have won an award for writing a one-man play in high school this season would have been much better. Sad
I can empathize with those cops. I can barely get a fresh diaper on my 21
pound baby when she's highed up on Cocoa Puffs.
the only problem is... the penis skin leaves them all cock-eyed. Eh, at least
they didn't try to send used underwear to Ethiopians this week.
[nobody said anything for nine months.]
What really irks me about Steven and makes me want to bitchslap that porcine
mug of his is not just that he's an asshole, it's the unbearable smugness and
"oh, do I know what I'm talking about because I have lived a lot in these
twenty-two years" attitude with which he delivers his pearls. (See, e.g., "I
think I made some amazing points.") In a word, he's assholier-than-thou.
Now, if Brynn actually saw
a bare ass in the confessional, you know it had to be Frank, taking a pre-coital
dump.....
>Presiding over the
ceremony was rapper, rabbi and ordained minister MC Hammer.
Hawaii Matt is DEAD!
Jan's happy beer face reminds me of the "Big Bad" on this seasons Buffy when
it turns it's face inside out and disappears. When she finds out there's an
alcoholic beverage for her to drink, the big fake-choppers come out of her face
and her wrinkly skin sloughs back to the small of her back.
Do you think Lori should
save the waxy remnants of pubic hair and paste them to the bald spots on her
head??
Might I suggest snatch,
slit, twat, tink, cooze, fluff, redeye, or clam?
And talk about self-denial - Trashole claims she looks in the mirror and all
she sees is that she is fat. What about the frizzy split ends? That giant
always-redder-than-the-rest-of-her-face nose? The always moist, always searching
tongue? That baby-talk southern accent that makes her sound dumber than she
actually is? The festering genital sores? The general aura of skankiness that
surrounds her like Pigpen's dust cloud? Criminey, if she wants a reason to puke,
being fat is the least of her problems.
Fucko, The Sixth Marx
Brother, decades ahead of his time. You don't want to know where in Margaret
Dumant he shoved a gallon of tootsy-froosie ice cream
Someone please get Arissa a large glass of metamucil, and maybe she'll be
able to extract her head from her ass.
I wanna know what's up with her mouth? Why does she always look like she's
trying to dislodge peanut butter from behind her molars without using any sort
of tooth cleaning instrument? It's like she's in a karate film that's been
dubbed in English - the words just aren't matching the mouth movements.
He went to Russia to buy a bride, but bought the farm instead.
Ghost Shit isn't good enough to be straight to video. At least STV movies
have lots of fucking and titties. Ghost Shit had like three seconds of boob
curve. I didn't even see nipple! The Disney Channel is more risque..Do yourself
a favor, go rent Titanic and watch the scene where the gnarled old bitch walks
around in her nighty. Now that is some scary shit.
I asked Snipey what he wanted to be Baby, you can drive my car I told Snipey that his prospects were good Baby, you can drive my car
[Re: Xtina's taste in flava] Damn! I always knew the day would come when
being white would no longer give me the upper hand in society. I just didn't
know it would be this soon and of this magnitude.
when did [vibrating anal dildos and prime time] become the latest trend? I
admit however if on newer seasons of BMP shows they replaced the standard bowl
full of condoms with a bowl full of vibrating anal dildos it would make things
more interesting to say the least.
"Road Rulers, your mission today is to collectively shove 60 inches of
vibrating anal dildos up your asses. That means an average of 10 inches each."
It would be the perfect episode for the typical storyline of the homophobe
learning about acceptance: "I wasn't cool with gays before, but now that I've
experienced butt love, I'm cool with that."
another puzzle dry hump dramatics
Die, Stephanie, Die
I know their dirty secret, that fucking TNN network.. now they're "The
National Network" or some shit. But there's a skeleton in their closet, and it's
doin' the boot-scoot-boogie.
So I'm standing outside the Virgin Megastore in Hollywood today canvassing
for volunteers for AIDS Walk Los Angeles. As I'm sizing up potential victims,
darkness washes over me as something bigger than should ever be found in nature
blocks out the sun.
Come 'n listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed
Frank looks to be a SuperBowl away from wife-beating
Fuck you, Tom Cruise! Why the fuck should anyone fucking invite you to go the
fuck into space? For your scientific knowhow? Your dazzling intellect? Your
brilliant Scientological (it could be a word) insights? The only way you're
going into space for free is if the world finally comes to its senses, votes you
off the planet, and decides to jettison you from the next space shuttle. Or if
NASA ever decides to add another chimp to a mission and the chimp cancels and
your runty ass is the only one that fits into the teeny, tiny space suit. Plus,
you probably have the $24 million lying under your couch cushions, you cheap,
toothy, slanky-haired pygmy!
An outing to the beach to play in the hurricane and bond with her friends
turns tragic when the hurricane winds and rains bounce off of boyfriend(?) Scott
Wolf's enormous dimples, creating a tornado-like vortex which carries Kelley out
to sea.
In a TGIFriday's somewhere RW Miami Mike is crying.
I Think Miscarriages are Hilarious! Not quite as funny as abortions, but
still, pretty damn amusing in their own right.
Please see my article on W.horesteric Blindness in the next issue of JAMA
(with excepts in TV Guide) for more details.
This chick warrants the reinstatement of a strong pesticide. As the weeks go
by I can SO see Trashelle slowly deteriorate into an infectious-induced HELL
similar to The Fly- not Vincent Price Fly, but Jeff Goldblum Fly. By the final
episode she'll be a blob of contagious pulsating pile of puss.
Trashelle and Man-Slut
This is my first post so hopefully I'm staying in line with the PS standards.
Brynn looks like she grinds her ritalin with crystal meth, cooks it in a
botox solution on a silver spoon hovering above a wind-proof lighter, and shoots
up right between her nose and lips. More or less.
I certainly don't mean to belittle the young (18-22 year olds), but none of
you are good in bed. You think you are, but you're not. You think you have had
great sex, but you haven't. You will at some point (hopefully), but you're not
there yet. And you look ridiculous when you brag about being very "sexual" human
beings. You think merely doing "taboo" things makes you good. It doesn't. You
think talking dirty in front of boys makes you good. It doesn't. You think
because you're cute and a lot of people want to sleep with you means you must be
good. You're not. Young men may have tons of stamina, but it still doesn't make
you good in bed. You think because you've slept with 20 people in your 5 short
years as a non-virgin makes you good. Wrong again. You've got a long way to go
before you can claim "good in bed" as one of your talents...I'm just sayin' is all.
Just once I'd like to hear a girl on the show claim a love for hot anal
action.
[Trishelle] looks like she's logged to many hours behind the counter of the
local "Things Remembered" thinking about whose boyfriend she's going to blow
tonight.
We are human over here.
There is a University of Indiana!
I decided to get to the bottom of a mystery today by emailing
Chadwick...I was feeling pretty bratty, so
I signed it "Yours in Christ"
nothing can mar the feeling I had
when I saw Helly's face. That really made my week. $0 for you beeotch!!!!!!!!
Oh, what a wonderful time I had
watching Holly getting faced by the misfits that make up the RW team...Yes
Holly, there is a God -- and he hates greedy, selfish assholes. So there.
amn crazy white boy [Lucas Helder].
This whole thing will put a damper on the annual Pine Island Cheese Fest.
With the rapidly graying population
here at PS, it's no surpirse that we have become fascinated by death, as it
reminds us of our own mortality. Let's not be embarassed by our decaying bodies
and fading mental facilities, and resolve ourselves to picking out a peppy song
to accompany our final dance with the Grim Reaper. (Dibs on "Who Let the
Dogs Out?" I loved that one way back when. Please note, however, that
yelling "Marjorie Knoller" in response to the chorus is considered to
be in bad taste and will result in a forfeiture of your thank you note for
attending my funeral.)
Umm....Who's Robert K. Maahs?
But this would NOT be funny: Man
poses for photo with gun; kills four Canadians.
9/11 DAY!?! Ah, man, I have enough
trouble figuring out the holidays we have! Now I have to celebrate 911 day? I am
FUCKED! Seriously, I can't even buy a valentines day card these days without
being stricken by terror of sending the wrong message. What am I going to send
on 911 day? An adorable little clipart doggy saying "Hope you're not being
slowly burned to death while trapped under hundreds of pounds of support
beams"? Maybe if I'm feeling witty, I can put a turban on his head and
change the caption to "I'm declaring Jihad on Mondays!" Ooh, I know,
on the front I can put a guy jumping off the top of the WTC holding a clock! And
inside, it can say "9/11 day already? Wow, TIME sure FLIES!!!" That'll
be fucking HIT with Becky in accounting! Fuck.
oops! Our bad! Consider us even for
{insert lame entertainment figure hailing from north of the 48th parallel here}.
My brother took out my tonsil with a
hanger.
Edit again to take back my apology.
Fuck you and your bitches!
I don't believe in love at all.
People, get real. It is a construct that makes us reproduce so society runs more
smoothly. It's asking a lot of animals to expect them to buy into this fiction.
The best part about animals is the absence of subtext.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Ali Ali
who? Ali wanted was to get laid on TV. Wake up Cara.
I hate everything about dogs.
Deciphering Theo...Can't quite figure out what Theo meant. "Holly is
like and Indian that refuses to walk the Trail of Tears". Is he trying to
say she's strong and proud? The same Holly that blew a RR mission because she
couldn't stay alone in the desert for a couple days? Yeah, she wouldn't walk the
Trail of Tears; she'd complain that it's too hot or her feet hurt or she misses
her Chaddy-poo, and then she'd try to sleep her way out of it. Indian names for
Holly:
I'm thinking that the aftermath of
such a sight would be enough to eradicate the human sex drive altogether. It
might as well be the newest form of birth control! And if we want to teach
abstinence in schools, I say there's no better way than to show kids these pics.
After taking a look at Beth's face-nipple and other naughty bits, boys around
the world will go from having 1 sexual thought every 7 seconds to 1 sexual
thought every 7 years!
FUCK SKATING!!!! SHUT THE FUCK
UP!!!! LOLA YOU FUCK! what the fuck! you are part of the axle of fucking evil!
When they showed Josh and Theo
contemplating the storm I moved to the edge of my seat. I just knew these two
masters of the english language were going to have a conversation on the
hurricane that would be worthy of RWB history. Alas, I was cheated. Damn,
hurricane's are hardcore hairy!
[Flipped] can be heartwarming. There
was an episode where a strict, devoted-to-his-career father switched places with
his wayward son serving time in juvenile hall. The son quickly learned how
stressful his dad%27s job was and how hard his dad worked. Meanwhile, the father
was beaten by his cellmate who wanted his toothbrush, then was tossed in the
shower and anally gang-raped. The experience taught them both valuable lessons.
Prime examples of Hitler youth.
[Holly and Chadwick] reminded me of Rutger Hauer and Darryl Hannah from "Blade Runner", a couple of blonde, blue-eyed, well-muscled replicants who are always posturing and posing and oiling each other down and speaking with Austrian accents. "Jour muscles ah zo bu-te-ful." "Zo ah
Jours".
This just in: Mike Tyson insane.
I'm outta fingers. I wish I could count the number of castmembers that seemed
like they would be nice normal people and turned out to be bumbling circus
freaks. Kyle's addiction to low budget German anime, speaking in pig latin, and
masturbation with tofu probably showed up on the first day but Burning Male
Prostate has chosen not to divulge it yet.....
After lots and lots of thought I have come to the conclusion I don't agree with
cancer.
In response to the original question, in no way has watching the real world
negatively affected my opinion of blacks, but let me tell you, those mormons --
what a bunch of fucking assholes!
That Haitian stripper was NASTY! She
was all giving people gynecologist-level peeks and everything. There are
wishbones that aren't spread apart as far as her legs. (Maybe she can only close
them when they're wrapped around a pole.)
Jennifer Aniston in horrible tanning
accident? Crikey Mcdaniel, she looks like that woman in "Something about Mary."
Lisa Kudrow too. Do they do nuclear testing on the "Friends" lot? Is that where
Matthew Perry got the power to gain and lose weight at incredible rates?"
Theo clearly has a disconnect between his mouth and his think-before-you-speak
mechanism. He is an expert already at inappropriate commentary. But I also hate Aneesa. Honey, if you're going to bother to put a robe on, at least exert the
slight amount of additional effort it takes to close it for the cameras.
The next cast should have a midget who practices voodoo, a goth with a fetish
for hairnets, Corky, an overweight Shakespearean actress, a raging alcoholic
with a penchant for tequila-induced blackouts, and a pimply high school grad on
Accutane. At least. They can toss in one of their own stereotypes for good measure, say...a homosexual. Make the
raging alcoholic a Christian and see sparks fly!
Theo is more Teck than Cyrus or David. Cyrus and David had a reason to take
their shirts off.
What good kids. They know what's expected of them. They're so eager to please, they were practically falling over themselves trying to get out all their issues in the first five minutes. "Hi, I'm Aneesa, my father is black and my mother is Jewish and I'm a lesbian
and I like to be naked all the time, and I first had sex when I was ---" All before Aneesa even finished her first cigarette. Dedicated, motivated,
efficient angst machines. It was a big thrill, although it made me very tense as
I kept expecting a nasty fight to break out over who had the most problems. I
expect Big! Things! from Theo, Aneesa, Kyle, Kyle, Kara, Karrie and Keri."
I was watching MTV2 last night. I was
intrigued by this voice, a voice of some female that sounded terrible. I wanted
to know who it was, so I waited for it to end. I mean it was really bad. The
video must have been something MTV2 came up with because I don't think it was
the artist's (it was a still shot of a park bench I think, and some kind of blob
in the middle of the screen that moved to the music). I expected this blob to do
something, but it never did. So finally, thank goodness, the song ended. There
was a pause and then another song by the same artist came on. This time I
recognized the song. It was that "Whenever, Wherever" song by Shakira.
I'll admit, she's pretty, but I just don't get it.
tell those people to go get fucked by
randy johnson's big unit. i'm sure all of those patriotic people are rooting for
the redskins to win the super bowl this year too. after all, wasn't there a 3rd
plane that hit something that day? oh yeah, forgot about that one. and let's go
wizards, take the nba finals on home. if rooting against new york teams means
that you are unpatriotic, then you might as well call me osama bin droogie.
California has 8 - count them *8* of
the fittest cities on that list, and not a single fat city. No wonder I feel
like such a pork chop when I walk out my front door. I am surrounded on all
sides by fit cities - Oakland, San Francisco, Sacramento. . . Goddammit! I want
to be in a normal state where everyone doesn't look like they deep throated a
vaccuum cleaner to cleanse themselves of their internal organs. I want to live
in a state where "fatty fatty two by four" doesn't automatically call
to mind the girl in size 8 jeans. I want to live in a state where you get paper
cuts from shaking a girls hand
[Beth, Kevin's friend,] is a
"model" like Lori is a "singer", Beth S. is an
"actress", and Nicole is a "woman".
Genocide jokes never fail to amuse!
First there was the "Did you ever notice...?" generation of the early
90's, followed by the "For me to poop on!" craze of the late 90's, and
now systematic extermination jokes for the new millennium. It's a natural
progression. Really, where the hell do you work? A clownshoe factory? Because
your co-workers are a bunch of insolent buffoons. Besides that, they don't even
have their racist stereotypes right. A Saudi national working in a convenience
store makes no fucking sense and even if it did, it's still the equivalent of
comedy feces.
This planet truly does suck.
I'm a slave, I'm a slave, I'm a slave
to your sucking...I thought Britney's performance last night was awe inspiring.
I believe it was reenactment through song and dance of the Real World Los
Angeles Season. First the ripped off lyrics were obvious. Tami probably woke up
from a stomach stapling surgery session some where in the Valley last night and
screamed "That bitch stole my song!" The snake of course represented
David. (This line is not meant to be humorous, in that respect it also
represents David). The part where she looked all slutty and annoying and
wouldn't shut the f* up unless she was blowing some guy in a dark closet where
he couldnt see the mole, that was Beth. And that one part, where she had that
stupid look on her face. That was about Jon. All in all I was very impressed.
Hopefully next ear she will stylize those crazy kids from Hawaii! Maybe she will
get bigger implants to be like Amaya.
pants perestroika...We are
approaching an age in which any pair of pants of any length, any cut, any fabric
will be open and welcomed with open arms, so to speak. It's already happening
with jeans - light denim, dark denim, baggy, tight, low-rise, high rise all live
in peace and harmony. Can freedom of pants length be far behind? I think not. We
are on the age of a lower body covering renaissance. Soon large-sized people
will rejoice that their choices are no longer confined to ass-widening acid
wash. Exhibitionists will rejoice that their low-rise plumber butts pass with
impunity in this new fashion order. Tall women everywhere - and yes, even the
occasional beplatformed man - will flaunt exposed ankles as a sign of liberation
from outdated cookie-cutter fashion precepts that required pants to reach the
tops of ones' shoes. To this I say, let freedom ring. Except for blue plaid M@
pants. Those will never be acceptable, anytime, anywhere. Ever ever ever.
He got sick...That will normally
bring the maternal out, and that's when he said something about not appreciating
Ellen until she "stood by him". So there's the answer - give Adam a
little food poisoning every week, and he will actually treat women well for
30-40 seconds.
I expect he will win it all. The only
thing that could get in his way is Monica -- if she wins the next HOH, she might
be able to beat Will. Then again, it's not a sure thing. I give the advantage to
Will. BTW, what's with this board? It's basically dead. It's a lot more fun over
on the bigbrotherfan site.
Nothing says "let's get this thing moving"
like a few dozen naked poloroids.
Disclaimer: I don't advocate
castration as a way to resolve domestic conflict. Even though it has, on
occasion, proven to be effective.
I just realized
something....everybody on this site is actually Comic Book Store Guy.
I have a perfect compromise for all
of the people who still love the Simpsons and those people (morons!) who think
it should be taken off the air. Let's give the Simpsons another 20 or 25 years,
and if it still doesn't live up to some peoples' (idiots!) standards, then we'll
argue about it some more. I don't understand why this thread has become so
contentious. Some people (those with a sense of humor) still like the Simpsons
and some people (mirthless cretins) don't like it anymore and think it should be
cancelled. Is that any reason for personal attacks and vitriol? I think not.
My favorite part of the episode was
right before they cut to the ?second? commercial break and they showed Nicole
and Coral side by side with the most constipated, pissed off looks on their
faces as the roomies tried to justify their Outkast tickets. They seriously
looked like puckered up assholes.
"the 'fewails' BMP selected this
year...are the sorriest bunch evah! RW and RR combined. A misogynist must have
made the final decision, b/c watching this display last night, I was ashamed to
possess a cooter.
Which is to say that they weren't so
much a Hitler as they were merely a Goebbels or a Mengele...
I believe that the last time the word
"behooves" was heard on on a prime time television show was during the
short, but oh so sweet run of Square Pegs. God help us - Will is channeling
Muffy Tepperman
The ultimate pet title, however, is
Ambassador. While "Fluffy" is a stupid name, "Ambassador
Fluffy" exudes class.
It's obvious to me that this as a
conspiracy and the Democrats are trying to protect their mole from big brother,
but I hope he survives 'cause things like this in the real world suck all over
the planet not just in the US.
1) He will mispronounce
"embryo" at least 3 times. Likely candidates include; embr-EYE-o,
embry-MO and cheerio. He will also mispronounce embryonic at least once, likely
candidates; bionic, ebonic, embrybibonics. 2) He will have both an American Flag
and a Texas flag behind him, reminding viewers that he is not a savvy Washington
Insider like those people who wrote his speech and told him what to think. 3) He
will be wearing a long sleeved plaid shirt and jeans. The matching chaps, spurs,
gun belt and 10 gallon hat that came with the "Cowboy Kit" that he
wanted to wear but that Karl Rove took off at the last minute will be seen in
the background. 4) He will mention how this research will help Great Americans
suffing from heart disease "like current President Dick Cheney and former
President Ronald McDonald". 5) He will mention that cloning is bad because
it leads to retarded movie titles like "Attack of the Clones". 6)
Finally he will end his speech like he ends all of speeches, with the words
"God Bless America" followed by a nice 12 hour nap.
How could anyone find her soulmate-finding-a-week,
Nyquil swillin', pig food eatin', herpes outbreak having, Springer reject ass
attractive? America's Sweetheart? America's Ho.
If Malik is Phineas and Kevin is
Freewheelin' Franklin, would that mean Mike is Fat Freddy? I vote for Coral as
Fat Freddy's Cat.
i found myself looking at those damn
things, noticing the vasculature, wondering about the squirt factor of buffalo
semen.
I lurk, therefore I learn the beauty
of precise timing and posting.
Stallone could be doing porn again.
So be glad it's only Rambo and not Rambone.
What I really want is a "Cobra
II."...I think that, given time, "Marion Cobretti" could possibly
replace "yin-yang" as a symbol of the balance of all things, the good
and the bad, the pussyfied and the bad-ass.
i can do whatever i want! and the FAQ
sucks
An all-vegan company is not obliged
to fire the person who brought in an egg salad sandwich three weeks ago just
because it fires you for eating rare steak every single day in the cafeteria all
the while making "nummy" noises and saying..."mmmmmm....dead...coowwwwww..."
over and over.
I picture Mr. Dragoo's existance to
be like the Gregory Peck character in the Omen if that character had lacked the
courage to get himself shot attempting to remedy the situation of finding the
number 666 on his child's scalp.
au contraire! The unwrinkled and
smooth anus would allow a #2 to gently slip out unaided, thus rendering the
average male's participation in the toilet paper thread a thing of the past. It
would have also solved droogie's lights out problem, as he could simply pull his
pants right up without fear of clinging dingleberries.
At the minimum, you'll get a stern
talking to and, maybe, a cold soda BUT should you choke on the soda tab because
you pulled it and put it back into the can, you'd better pray that Johnny Gage
and Roy DeSoto show up with sirens blaring, forceps, D5W and ringers lactate at
the ready.
But let's imagine, for a moment, that
"cool" still means something for adults. I am fairly certain that a
random survey of adults would conclude that a helmet-headed trichotillomaniacal
nonpracticing physician who appeared once or twice on a soap opera, an
embarrassingly nonrhythmic would-be white rapper who actually named his bar
Belly, and a woman who thinks the car accident she caused that killed another
individual is a good way to get sympathy for her own injuries are, well, not
cool.
If that bundle of cells is really not
a human being, then go ahead and experiment with them. Maybe they can use them
to come up with a really great mosturizer, too, or maybe a shampoo. Maybe they
fry up really good and would be a nice topping for a salad. If they are not
human beings, then why stop at trying to prevent or cure diseases - let's look
at the full range of possibilities.
Trust me, ass lint is a significant
problem in the stripper community.
You know it may have been rude to
honk the horn while she was on the phone but its damn funny to see people with
anger issues explode at the slightest provocation! I mean sitting there talking
in spanish and talking about Coke...she's not only a rage-a-holic she's a
product whore! I can see the campaingn..Have a coke then break the bottle over
someone's head!
I've got no urge to see [Final
Fantasy] but I think if I did, I'd sneak a joystick into the theatre... Then as
the credits rolled, I'd jump up and yell, "I won! Ha HA! Beat THAT score,
fuckers!" and start challenging people in the theatre to "deathmatches."
I trust the CIA a little more than my
neighbours, thank you very much.
And if it's at the expense of
sorority/frat people, broad race generalizations at the RW board, and overused
condom references-(this week anyway), please, everyone, keep them coming. or
cuming.
self-satisfied asshole
stupid
jerkoff
Fucking king of the dickheads
schmuck
sherlock...dick head
What are you, eleven? Juvenile
attacks like these belong on the Yahoo boards, not here.
idiot
I am Irish Catholic by the way. I
don't do any of that. I don't beat my kids...I don't have any. Okay, I was
hungover at Mass once...but it was a special case.
Anyone who has sought out independent
films, books by authors such as Nabakov, and even slightly prurient discussions
in a college dorm room should find Sex and the City uninteresting except in the
Melrose / 90210 / "I must watch ridiculous television" sort of way.
hey mike!!! steve buscemi called, he
needs his teeth back!
I did choose parallel very carefully.
I did NOT (for the millionth fucking time) say EQUAL or of EQUAL importance.
There is no parallel, meaning there is no experience exactly like it or
analagous, if you will.
Maybe Mike's just PLAIN STUPID? Does
he even know who George Washington is? I doubt a rap song has been made about
him.
Why must we celebrate the anniversary
of when we came out of our mother's vagina, when obviously we should
celebrate... well, the day our father came into our our mother's vagina?
I know it's not *easy* trolling 24/7
but that doesn't mean you deserve a break. Do it all the way or don't do it at
all, the part time troll thing is just too pathetic to watch.
one!...everyone!...idiotic
position!!...Ridiculous!...do it!...STOP ASSUMING THAT YOU KNOW WHAT I
THINK!...I DON'T!!!!....people!...I BELIEVE!...times!...it
isn't!....READ!!!!...murder!!!...Ooops!...the first time!...defensible position!...Good
for you!...Wonderful!...the case!...BRILLIANT logic!...no time!...I must be
one!..I must be a marijuana user!....I must be a
criminal!...Wow!...save!...spinning!!...Ha ha ha ha ha!...But no!...stupider
assumption than your first!...I AM THEO!!!!
I built a treehouse. Considering I
had to borrow the SkilSaw, I'm pretty proud of the fact that it (the treehouse)
doesn't entirely suck. There are certainly sucky portions, but kids are unlikely
to roll out of it and die. Mostly.
HEY PEOPLE... this is an anti-media
site. Kinda smart assed post modern....bla bla bla... bla bla bla... bla bla bla.
I swear to dog, if one more co-worker
calls me "Big Guy" and points a finger at me, I'll point a shotgun at
him.
It's almost as if Coral's head is
made of Silly Putty, b/c it seems to have a different shape in each picture,
resulting in some very unusual effects...Her forehead bulges out like it's
trying to escape through her scalp, and her nose is lumpy and oddly shaped. Then
there's the tiny why-bother nose stud. Perhaps she's a shapeshifter, and
occasionally the pressure of maintaining human form is too difficult, resulting
in weird slips.
mike got off easy. did you see what
coral did to lori for not closing the shower curtain all the way? she blasted
her with her jacket-shredding lazer nipples. luckily, she only grazed lori's
head, but the blast did leave her with a gnarly jagged scalp....coral, the anal
retentive avenger
For all lifeless LOSERS on the
boards... [randomass is] sure that others before [randomass] have attempted to
bring some sense to the boards, but [randomass is] going to state [randomass's]
ideas and be off."
finally an enormous afro makes the
spotlight of the national media, and the opportunity's wasted. that afro sucks.
it lacks symmetry, density, and the classic circular shape. rather, it possesses
a boxish quality and seems to weigh heavily to one side...someone should take a
garden shears to that head and carve away.
It needs a little shaping, that's for
sure. If he really wants to be a trendsetter, he might get some help from a
friend and fashion it into the shape of a fist, or a bust of Mozart, or the
mascot of his favorite sports team. With the national exposure his 'do is
getting on MTV, the Topihairy™ could really take off!
The Village Idiot [Mike] is f'nshit
IGNORANT...no matter where you are from or what the hell your family or friends
or church or whatever thinks, it is up to YOU to learn about other cultures and
races. If you choose not to, then you have no one to blame for your ignorance
but yourself...WHO F'N CARES WHAT YOUR UNCLE SAYS??? What matters is what YOU
say.
Nicole was wearing a shirt during one
of the interviews that said "Carmelita's" and that's my name. Okay,
I'm done.
The racism thing is no longer
interesting or enlightening and barely even maddening -- just mostly boring and
redundant.
That was the most revolting pile of
tripe I have read in a long time. The Funk/SnuggleBear family makes me woozy and
nauseous. I hope she crams a HUGE chunk of cheddar right down your gullet for
being such a jackass. Then we can see if that will make you "burp"
too.
The relative success of Bob Saget is
one of life's greatest mysteries. Prolonged contemplation of it will make your
head explode.
Are you sure that's not just puke? In
a metal bucket? On a canvas?
Wild Speculation: Nicole is a man, or
used to be one!
Adding insult to injury...They gave [Segun]
a Big Mac made with "not-special-enough" sauce.
I swear, I'm going to find out where
Clara Barton is buried, I'm digging her up, and the bitch is gonna PAY!
Are you kidding? You're WAY off on
this one. They look nothing alike...I would guess that Margaret and Ellen's
ancestors don't even hail from the same country...Any Asian (and many
non-Asians) can tell you that there are distinct physical differences between
Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Phillipino, etc people. You need to take another
look. Their faces are shaped differently, their bodies are different and the
have very different eyes. Not all Asians look alike. Even a casual observer
could tell you that.
I like Mike and I hope he gets laid a
lot.
Segun....Segun...Segun....oh crap,
how completely sad is that? I only hope that a few years from now he looks back
on that moment as the one that saved his life.
same Three's Company episode! That
Crissy is crazy, yo
*it is only a matter of time before
FOX makes a game show called "Which One of 'em is Gay?" Seriously kids
I noticed right away the difference
in his snoring.
Mary scared me quite a bit, I imagine
that she keeps the souls of those that don't make it in that amulet she wore
while announcing the cast.
For those kids' three hours of
playing on the ceiling and being bestowed gifts of Transformers and petty cash
stolen from other roommates' rooms, my one wish is that they realized how
annoying Sarah was and were just using her good nature to procure pilfered goods
like any good vagabond would do.
he was wearing as polo shirt, plaid
shorts and loafers.
>Do you have a problem with simple I think I remember reading a cnn.com report that said it was much higher. I'll post a link when I can find it. >In case
you It;s called the CONSTITUTION smart guy. >You sound just like
Krayola Hey, Oliver Stone, I am not Krayola! I'm just me. Get over it. >You should watch and learn
from Yeah, a Nazi might say the same
thing.
Everyone in the free world knows if
Stephen had said, "Um, yeah...I'm a homo and I've got my boyfriend in my
room with his dick out, so I don't have much time for goodbyes. See ya"
Irene would have had NOTHING and gone home looking stupid. Instead, even though
she WAS purposely trying to be as mean and hurtful to Stephen as she could be,
she comes off as the real world martyr. She absolutely DID NOT deserve to be
hit, but she was hardly "innocent of all these things." Ya know? And
now a couple years later, Cool Sociopath Stephen goes on reunions and uses
"I hit that b.itch" as a pickup line. Fucking whore.
They wanted to cram as much suckitude
into 90 minutes as possible. They did include built-in teases as if it was
intended to have commercials. I so badly wanted to take a leak, yet they refused
to break. In the end, Bladder Might Puncture got me again. I kept waiting for
something, anything, interesting to happen....
I understand that they have to reuse
"characters", but retire "Mike". That should just lead to an
automatic rejection in the audition process. "You All American? You have
blondish slightly curly hair? You like beer? A lot? Named Mike? Ohhh sorry, that
quota is full, but you can re-audition as a bisexual Scandinavian Hindu if you
change your name to include the no fewer than 3 vowels and no more than 2
consonants."
Malik's hair...The eighth room
mate. I get dibs on HATING Malik's hair. I can't believe I feel this strongly
about this.
Have you guys heard that song
"who let the dogs out?"...Nads infomercials? Green ketchup? Have the
entire board been transported back in time 6 months? Please, someone, post a
link to amihotornot.com. Or are the buttheads developing their own version of
the show "So 5 Minutes Ago?"
Yes!...That was a little too close. We damn near went 24 hours without a thread about hair removal! Thanks.
[Katie Couric's] sad little mid-life
crisis is forcing me to re-live my older sister's last gasp at youth during the
eighties. I keep visualizing Katie stomping around the Holiday Inn dance floor
to "Rock Steady" and screwing any two-bit traveling salesman who gave
her a few kind words.
Lindsay and Beth A., you poor dears.
You look 40 already. Bloatational forces are already at work on Andre, Mo, Joe
(who is now as wide as he is tall), Glenn, and Jon Brennan, who was positively
goiter-ific. Jon, try iodized salt.
jon brennan. this guy looks like he
uses mayonnaise to swallow aspirins.
Hi, my name is Julie and it's STILL
all about ME! Gee Elka, when you were dealing with your mother's death, I was so
touched but how could I turn this segment around and have it be all about
MEEEEEEEEE! Should the ME board be renamed the Julie board?
When Julie first arrived on Real
World, she made such a big deal that she NEVER watched MTV, and didn't really
ever watch the Real World ... yet she somehow was able to make Elka her hero????
Julie is the biggest fraud to ever be on the show.
Never before has there been in one
place [RW Reunion] so many CDs NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES!
Teck...Teck...Teck..S to the A to the
D... Sad.
Singing sphincters suck. I was
repeatedly assaulted by this damn [Levi's] commercial last night. Never has
computer technology looked like such a bad idea to me. Belly buttons are just
not meant to sing. They looked all cavernous and anal-sphinctery to me and I was
terrified. I feel sorry for any person ever subjected to that and I truly hope
whoever came up with that idea is mysteriously injured.
Angeline Jolie's breasts. I thought
her right breast did better than her left breast, but my friend said that was
because Angeline favored that shoulder. I still believe the left one just wasn't
putting forth full effort.
Once my eyes stopped bleeding...M@
the asexual nymph in a photo being cuddled like a kitten by another boyish
looking model...its just like a postcard from the seventh circle of hell
"Having a nice time..wish you were here"
so if i am reading this thread
correctly, i should abandon my previously formed plans and in fact, *not* fill
this up with tap water and use it as my water container du jour. see! dear
planet sucks saves again! tragedy averted! i want a counter placed on the menu
list in the dear planet sucks board descriptions showing how many lives have
been saved or enhanced due to the DPS board. i for one would be happy to
videotape a four minute testimonial.
This is one of those people who sends
everyone she's ever met a
birthday/anniversary/engagement/sympathy/Christmas/Valentine's Day/Graduation
card, fills it with confetti, and then expects your to reciprocate. Woe be to
the person who doesn't reciprocate. Do you have any idea how hard it is to
remember all of her idiotic "milestones"? I tried to remove her from
my life, but she keeps pulling me back in.
Ms. Chenoweth...This
"woman" should hand out razor blades wherever she goes, so we can more
conveniently slit our wrists.
Took God out to a local tavern and chatted him up. Yep, you were right, you were representing his political ideology. In fact, he meant to put a couple stanzas about how social responsibility and representative government are evil in Genesis, but he had to take it out to make more room for descriptions of Eve's luscious, luscious ass. However, he did clarify a couple things. He doesn't care where you put your cock, as long as he or she is over 14. A fetus doesn't become a human until the synaptic connections in the brain develop, late within the 3rd trimester. Killing your fellow man against his will is never justified, even in war or in the case of an execution, unless they're an Eskimo. For some reason, God hates Eskimos.
If you're Inuit, I would recommend not going outside during thunderstorms.
My Two Dads - They totally
blew the opportunity for some hot gay incest storylines....Or did they?!
I almost died last week. One of the
many "they-all-sound-the-same" Matchbox 20 songs came on the radio,
and in my frenzy to change the station, I swerved onto a soft shoulder. Okay, so
I didn't almost die, but it scared the living shit out of me...even so, the
terror was preferable to listening to a Rob Thomas song. I wish he would
disappear. DORK!
I am sure of one thing--we are now
officially the two most mind-numbingly fucking boring posters on this board. I
blame you.
Rhythm & Blues. Of course
you don't remember it. It lasted all of four episodes on NBC in the fall of
1995, when NBC was still tinkering with post-Cheers Thursday nights. The premise
was a wacky white guy with a deep soulful voice accidentally gets hired by an
all-black R&B radio station. The show itself was no worse than any of the
other short-lived sitcoms trotted out by networks and then killed after a couple
of episodes because they're stupider than a golden retriever. This one just has
a special place in my heart because I predicted its fate when I saw the moronic
promos and made a vow that I would faithfully watch every episode until it got
cancelled, knowing deep in my heart that it would take less than a month.
Full Fucking House! I watched every
single fucking episode of this show. Why? Because I am a fucking idiot that’s
why! Danny Tanner: The biggest dork on the face of the planet. Check that.
Biggest dork in the entire universe! His hobbies include cleaning, cleaning, and
masturbating. Joey Gladstone, the most unfunny comedian EVER! What the fuck is
so funny about Popeye? And whenever he did that "cut. it. Out." shit I
felt like ripping his head off.
izzit [the M@ photo] jonny carson as the Amazing Carsoni trying to predict the contents of jambi's head? or a skinny short shaqfu getting ready to shoot a free-throw? why the hell is head floating like that? it scares me so! alas poor whoric, i knew him well.
Julie, can you hear me?...That def dumb and blond(?) girl sure
rides a mean skateboard.
The Penis Dialogues. Crewnecks and turtlenecks alike come together for this most riveting of live performances. Watch as their penii have meaningful conversations. Marvel at the deaf penis who performs entirely in the snow. They compare, they contrast, they conflict. But most of all, they share the common bond that every man holds sacred: the ability to pee standing up. Yes, it's The Penis Dialogues. Order your tickets today! PlanetSucks®: Now all penis, all
the time
You can never simply say "Hi". You have to be Oh So Clever and say "How's tricks this morning?" or "How are you this beautiful day?" If you overhear a converstation between me and someone else while we're in the elevator you HAVE to contribute, regardless of the fact that I don't know you and didn't ask your opinion. I'm not a mean person but I really
Really REALLY want to beat your face in with a crowbar. And hey, YOU have a
Outstanding Day! without a fucking face.
Dogs don't love. They only give
"stripper affection." I'm convinced of this.
I have never played a video game...I just never could understand why people indulge their hedonistic urges. Life is a vale of pain, intended by our maker solely for the expiation of Original sin. The pursuit of pleasure is so-o-o low-brow. Sarcasmick, 5/31/01 Off-Topic
It's anonymous! This is the best show ever! I mean, this show sucks! It sucks because it's not on 10 times a day. >The moral of the saga is always wear clean underwear just in case you may find yourself locked in a bathroom with a skanky horny groupie. Yes, it's true. There are many lessons to be learned from this show.
This brings back so many, many painful memories of the troubles I've had, or the turds in the ice cream of life as I like to put it. It's damn tough trying to survive at the peak of the food chain in the richest country in the world. But enough of the negative, the point of this post is to give everyone advance notice of my birthday in July. I realize that the fact that I've managed to keep this oozing sack of protoplasm, pathogens, and foul-smelling by-products of cellular metabolism breathing and stumbling through my miserable excuse of a life for another year is hardly cause for celebration. But I desparately need the love and support of total strangers to validate the daily affirmation I keep repeating to myself, "I actually am a nice person, and people like me." Perhaps I should post everyday and
say only XXX days until Assisted Reality's birthday? In any event, I'm looking
forward to the outpouring of love and support on the big day PakaloloGirl's RWS/RWB Quotes Page
©1999-2003 PlånetSocks
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