Muppets Are (Sick) People Too
New Sesame Street Character

By Blotto
7/12/2002

Sesame Street will be adding an HIV+ muppet to the cast of their South Africa show, and have plans to bring it to the U.S. There are also plans to infect the cast with several other of your favorite diseases:

Oscar the Grouch will have to rethink his unhygienic lifestyle when he learns he has Hepatitis. Special guest: Pam Anderson.

Big Bird will gain some new, not-so-imaginary friends: a family of genital warts. He and his new pals will play games, sing songs, and learn the alphabet together.

The Count will undergo therapy for his obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

In a very special episode, the gang decides to put hyperactive Elmo on Ritalin®, so the little bastard will finally shut the fuck up. This episode is brought to you by the letter T, the number 8, and the Pharmaceutical Manufacturer's Association of America. It will be later revealed that Elmo's ADHD was caused by excessive "tickling" he received from Mr. Noodle.

After losing a finger to infection, Kermit will sing the ballad "It's not easy, being gangrened".

Cookie Monster's sugar addiction will lead to the inevitable onset of Type II diabetes.

The newest Muppet to move in will be Louie Leprosy, one of the Children's Workshop's ratty old puppets whose arms and legs are falling off.

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