“I’ve been known to be a little bit promiscuous at times.”
      - Cara sharing the biggest understatement of the year just one minute into the premiere

“My first reaction: He’s black!”
      - Tonya stating the obvious upon meeting Theo

“What’s up buddy? You’re ugly!”
      - Tonya trash-talking a fish

“We’re sex partners, but we’re not. You know, we’re partners in the sex room, which would make us sex partners, but we’re not gonna be really sex partners.”
      - Aneesa on her relationship with Theo

“My mom used to joke when I was two I wanted to make my own bottles.”
      - Keri acknowledging taking to drinking at an early age

Cara: "You have a boyfriend?"
Kyle: “I have many boys who are friends.”
      - Kyle tentatively responding to Cara’s query

“The first thing I see is Tonya’s beautiful breasts and sick body.”
      - Cara on Tonya’s warm welcoming committee

“I’m soooo not psycho!”
      - Cara giving an unconvincing proclamation to her female roommates

“Shalom!”
      - Aneesa upon discovering Cara is also Jewish

“I love people!”
      - Tonya sharing her affection for humanity so long as they’re white, straight, and beautiful

“I made the decision not to come out, ‘cause it’s not like, ‘Hi, my name’s Chris and I’m gay.’”
      - Chris on initially hiding his sexuality just seconds after doing his whole “Hi, my name’s Chris and I’m an alcoholic” spiel

“Mom, Dad... it’s me!”
      - Keri’s improbable confession as the roommates interrogate each other on who the house virgin is

“I know I have to make it clear to {Theo} that I’m not interested, so I chose to be his roommate.”
      - Aneesa discussing her flawed logic

Aneesa: “What are you thinking about?”
Theo: “Having sex with you.”
      - Aneesa learning not to ask if you don’t really want to know

“Phallic art - I dunno, it’s pretty cool I guess... It’s the concept of {making} beautiful art out of revolting things.”
      - Kyle attempting to conceal his uneasiness with false artistic knowledge

“Don’t do that to him - it’s too tempting... All right, thanks for taking my advice.”
      - Cara pleading in vain to Aneesa to not hop in the shower with Theo

“I drop something and I don’t want to bend over in the shower. Especially when his shlong is in my face. It’s disgusting.”
      - Aneesa on the benefits of showering with Theo

“If he’s gay, he doesn’t know it.”
      - Cara dismissing Tonya’s guess that Chris is gay

“He uses better products than I do.”
      - Cara changing her mind on Chris’s sexuality

Cara: “Kiss me first and then you can show me whatever you want in the city.”
Aneesa: “Like your penis.”
      - Cara pretending to take it slow with Justin, but Aneesa calls out her true feelings

“My interpretation of being in a homosexual relationship is just a lot of drugs, a lot of sin.”
      - Tonya terrified by the pairing of Kurt and Chris

“I got hit on by a guy and didn’t know it ‘til it was over. I had to give it to him; he was pretty darn smooth. He just came up to me, sat down like a regular dude.”
      - Theo surprised to encounter a gay man without an identifying sign around his neck

“I honestly thought they was gonna have a gay guy in the house.”
      - Theo unaware of Chris’s sexuality

“Did you lose the number? Did you shove it up your ass?”
      - Cara asking Aneesa about the location of a phone number

“She’s a ho. She’s easy. Maybe she should tone it down.”
      - Theo commenting on Cara’s sex life

“There’s just testosterone all over these hands right now. I’m never washing these hands again.”
      - Cara proud to have the scent of a man lingering on her

“I made out with a rock star!”
      - Cara bragging to her roommates

“Look, friends can sleep together.”
      - Cara replying to Theo’s implication that her and Nick are more than just friends

“I’m fat... Did I just say I was fat? Most girls would die to look like this.”
      - Tonya complimenting her own body

“This is a lot of books here. I thought it was all sun tan oil and whistles.”
      - Kyle surprised at the amount of training manuals for lifeguarding

“She comes running in about her kidneys and I go, ‘I don’t give a fuck about her kidneys!’ and I said, ‘I need the attention now and you’re not gonna take it from me!’”
      - Aneesa averting focus off Tonya and back to her

“Um, what’s it called?... check if the person’s, uh... breathing.”
      - Aneesa attempting CPR on a dummy prior to earning her certification

Aneesa: “I can’t find my bikini.”
Theo: (pointing at the bikini she already has on) “What’s wrong with this?”
Aneesa: “My breasts are gonna pop out.”
Theo: “Okay, what’s wrong with that?”
      - Theo and Aneesa discussing appropriate swimwear

“That’s cute.”
      - Theo watching Keri changing a tire

“You know a lot of things and some guys are insecure about that.”
      - Kyle intimidated by intelligence

“When she says that to me, it really touches me because it’s one of the first times she’s ever shown that kind of vulnerability. It’s very attractive to see that in her.”
      - Kyle giddy at Keri’s confession that she’s afraid of tornadoes, deciding her declaration makes her the perfect damsel in distress

“It’s very unfortunate that it had to happen so soon. I wish it could have happened further down the road.”
      - Kyle preferring that Tonya have her health problems in the future when it’s more convenient for him

“I’m a little more stable than they are.”
      - Tonya explaining to Justin why she doesn’t fit in with her roommates

“They can’t wait for me to come back!”
      - Tonya imagining her roommates anxiously anticipating her return from Walla Walla

“Nicole is very, very unselfish with me. She knows I need to experience many things at this stage in my life: travelling, jobs, women.”
      - Kyle excited to have permission to sleep around

Nicole: “Do you think any of them are... you know...
Kyle: “What?”
Nicole: “Attracted to you? I mean, I’m sure they are.”
Kyle: “I think all of them are.”
      - Nicole and Kyle engaging in an ego-stroking phone call

“I have a lot of hang-ups about completely just giving my future and my life to my relationship with Nicole despite how much I love her just because I have to be true to myself and my youth... I need to have other relationships... I need to spend time with other women.”
      - Kyle resolving that he hasn’t laid enough hos yet to maintain a serious relationship

Keri: “This isn’t one of those ‘I’m drunk, I’m handing you the keys’ things, okay, ‘cause that means I’m drunk and I’m handing you the keys and is that after Ryan Sanberg?”
Kyle: “All right, see, that last sentence you just said proves...
Keri: (yelling) “IS THAT AFTER RYAN SANBERG?”
      - Kyle escorting an extremely intoxicated Keri down the street

“I’m so excited I got this drunk tonight!”
      - Keri proud of getting smashed

“I’m really sorry I got this drunk, I didn’t mean to.”
      - Keri apologizing to Kyle minutes later

“I’m used to taking care of people. It makes me happy to take care of you... it gives me joy.”
      - Kyle getting off on being the hero

“Need someone to tuck you in?”
      - Kyle making an excuse to get in Keri’s bed

“Maybe she just loved the ding dong a little too hard and her cooter ... is weak now.”
      - Aneesa guessing what caused Tonya’s health problems

“I swallowed a bug.”
      - Cara excusing herself from having to converse with Keri and Kyle

“When are we gonna talk about your major ‘tude?”
      - Kyle using his Princeton eloquence with a disgruntled Keri

“What if I picked it up and used it?!”
      - Aneesa flipping at Theo for allowing his guest to puke in a bottle of shampoo

“If I want to have females over on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, they will be there.”
      - Theo declaring his freedom to invite hos over anytime 24/10(?)

“He called and asked if I could have a drink and I can’t just say no.”
      - Keri on her alcoholic tendencies

“You’re easy.”
      - Tyler, Keri’s date, to his companion

“Are you guys naked?”
      - Keri feeling the necessity to check her roommates clothing status before bringing her guest in

“Is being gay a sin?”
      - Theo asking his minister father to formulate opinions for him

“I hate getting dressed up.”
      - Aneesa neglecting to mention she hates getting dressed period

“Holy shit, my boobs are falling out.”
      - Tonya unaware of the effects of gravity

Aneesa: “I would bend over, but I’d give you a free peek.”
Theo: “Oh, I’ve seen it many times before.”
Aneesa’s new friend: “We’ve seen it and we just got here.”
      - Friends discussing Aneesa’s body

“You’re still the way you left?”
      - Aneesa’s mother inquiring about her daughter’s sexuality

“I had a real negative impression of the kids before I met them.”
      - Tonya on the mural-painting kids, proving she doesn’t discriminate, she’s just prejudiced against everyone

“She looks like a troll or something.”
      - Theo on Aneesa’s supposedly “sexy” girlfriend, Veronica

“I have to pee like a racehorse.”
      - Aneesa frustrated with her bladder

“{I’m} ugly?? Why don’t you check those stretch marks on your stomach, you fat bitch?!”
      - Aneesa feuding with Veronica’s *gasp* thirty-year-old-girlfriend

“Your sex is here!”
      - Kyle obnoxiously summoning Aneesa upon Veronica’s arrival

“You always come for me!”
      - Cara cozying up to a naked Aneesa

“Looks like you’re not dressed yet.”
      - Cara’s dad restraining disgust when being greeted at the door by his towel-clad daughter

Theo: “I call that ‘baller status.’ You know ‘baller.’”
Cara’s dad: “Um...”
Theo: “You do that with me, say, ‘I’m a baller.’”
Cara’s dad: “I’m a baller?”
Theo: “Say, ‘I’m a baller,’ ‘I’m a ballER!’”
Cara’s dad: “BallER?”
Theo: “Yeahhhhhhhhhh!”

“Sometimes when people push you away it makes you that much more likely to want to attach yourself to them.”
      - Cara on every relation she’s ever had

“Djordje is just visiting his sister for the weekend, so of course I have to fall for him.”
      - Cara on what is only natural

“Look at the slut in the hot tub... Let’s go in there and sing ‘Let’s Get It On.’”
      - Keri planning to serenade Cara

“Right before Djordje and I are about to land the deal, I sorta said to him, ‘So this is it? I’ll never see you again?’ and he quickly responded with a ‘Pretty much.’”
      - Cara on romantic foreplay

“I’ve never really spent the night with someone that I just met.”
      - Cara portraying an unlikely situation

“I felt a little like a slut.”
      - Cara clearly not feeling hard enough

“Not so much Nostradamus, maybe the Jamaican lady on TV.”
      - Keri diminishing Kyle’s self-proclaimed psychic powers to Ms. Cleo’s level

“I believe she’s sick... but I know that her not going to work has more to do with her having sex with her boyfriend.”
      - Theo explaining why Tonya called in sick to rest up

“You want to have his babies.”
      - Theo on Chris’s feelings towards Kurt

“I want to be on top!”
      - Cara shouting her bunk bed choice and possibly more

“It’s interesting to see two people act as though they feel the same way Justin and I feel about each other and are the same sex.”
      - Tonya still baffled by the ways of a homosexual relationship

“He’s fixing her shirt!”
      - Aneesa picking up on a “just-had-sex” signal from Tonya and Justin

“It was Justin time.”
      - Justin explaining what he and Tonya had just been doing alone

“I’m just applying what I’m learning in sobriety to my job.”
      - Chris asserting that recovering alcoholics make the best bartenders

“We’d be like jackrabbits on steroids.”
      - Keri predicting what intercourse with Kyle would be like

“We are very touch-feely friends, and that’s fine ‘cause I’m going to allow myself to have that because no man can be in constant restraint twenty-four hours a day.”
      - Kyle clarifying why it’s okay to occasionally hump Keri

“I really need to, you know, just focus on recovery.”
      - Chris using his alcoholism as an excuse to break up with Kurt while still “focusing on recovery” by working at a bar

“Many a feel was copped and, like, the plug was almost in the socket.”
      - Kyle on his electric encounter with Keri

“Kyle has so much control, I want to throw up. I mean, if I were either of them I would have already landed the deal.”
      - Cara stating the obvious

“I’ll do sit-ups with you sitting on my face.”
      - Kyle to Cara

“It’s hard to say if there were no Keri, Kyle and I might share, like, a drunken kiss.”
      - Cara hoping to liquor up her friend’s ex

“I have sweatshirts that weigh more than you.”
      - Kyle to the elephant-sized Cara

Kyle: “I don’t meet women at bars, I never meet women at clubs. I’m very deprived at that and kind of shy in a sense.”
Cara: “Because you’re a Republican?”

“I can’t pee. It does not want to come out. There it is... there it is!”
      - Aneesa pleased with her urinating abilities

“Am I supposed to wipe my vagina with this much? Can I have some toilet paper? Well, I could wipe my ass with the roll or maybe the metal thing.”
      - Aneesa resorting to drastic measures after taking a crap

“I want it to be silent so you can hear everything.”
      - Aneesa urging the others to be quiet so they can listen to her tinkle

“She’s an actor and I don’t believe her for a damn second.”
      - Keri refusing to accept that Cara would really freak out over an affectionate pinch

“I just want to cry with her, ‘cause I can feel in my heart the same pain.”
      - Tonya equally as distraught over Cara gaining a few pounds

“To hear Ali say things like... I’m beautiful and I’m so sexy... it’s very empowering.”
      - Cara sending the women’s movement back a few decades

“Is that all the zipper that goes down or am I retarded?... How do you squeeze those on?”
      - Ali, Cara’s ex, in a pre-fornication moment in a public restroom

“I had like sixteen thighs.”
      - Cara recalling her fat phase, days when she reached triple digit pounds

“I associate being skinny with being happy, and that’s such a fallecy... fallacy?... Falsehood?...False thingy?”
      - Cara wowing Chris with her impressive vocabulary

Aneesa: “There’s nothing wrong with a little nudity sometimes.”
Tonya: “But you do it all the time!”
      - Tonya calling Aneesa out

“You have a cute pussy.”
      - Aneesa encouraging Tonya to get naked as well

“I don’t like my cooch being talked about.”
      - Tonya preferring Aneesa to discuss her breasts instead seeing as she paid for those

“It’s a naked body, it’s beautiful, and everybody looks the same underneath their clothing.”
      - Aneesa comparing her naked body to Tonya’s

“Cara had an orgasm last night!”
      - Cara bragging as if such a thing were a rare occurrence

“Oral sex is sex, so through communitive property I communicate my oral transilations and therefore we are both orgasmically connected.”
      - Aneesa speaking the language of love

“I would never date you again!”
      - Cara standing firm on her stance to Ali, though humping is another issue

“He’s gonna bomb my house.”
      - Cara guessing how her last boyfriend, Jared, will react to her many Chicago flings

“This is the closest I’ve come to closure with Ali.”
      - Cara crawling out of bed with her ex

“Get a room!”
      - A bystander heckling Cara while making out, err, breaking up with Ali

“I’m a big pussy.”
      - Cara recognizing her most popular attribute

“I have just an overwhelming sense of wanting to please everyone all the time.”
      - Cara describing her compulsion to be coerced, or as is usually the case, put out

“I’d take the kerosene, put it all over your clothes and, you know what, I’d burn Aneesa’s too.”
      - Cara plotting a hypothetical revenge on Kyle, forgetting that Aneesa wouldn’t much miss her clothing

“It’s so great that she’s usually a big barrel of sunshine, but I’d like to see the negative side of her.”
      - Kyle being blind to the multitude of negative qualities the rest of the world sees in Cara

“Oh my vagina hurts!”
      - Aneesa having sympathy pains after seeing Tonya’s blood clot

“When I’m bored and there’s nothing to do and I feel like cleaning, I will.”
      - Aneesa prepared to tackle her responsibilities when she’s good and ready

“She’s worried about her crappy little waitress job.”
      - Kyle adding literal insult to Tonya’s injury, dissing her occupation while she’s bedridden in the hospital

“You want some booty? Seventy-five cent discount!”
      - Aneesa prancing about like a hooker rather than visiting the recuperating Tonya

“If I was in a hospital and I was in the emergency room, my little squared off room would be filled with family members and grandparents and friends.”
      - Kyle flattering himself while Tonya rests in an empty room

“I understand that when we do do stuff that involves alcohol, but for him to use that as an excuse or whatever, that’s pretty crappy because he works at a bar.”
      - Keri not buying Chris’s constant refusal to hang out with the roommates

“I see Nelson walk in and I’m so surprised. It shows me that he does care.”
      - Aneesa touched that teenage Nelson cares enough to stroll in late and proceed to refuse to participate in the mural activities

“I was planning on going out and clubbing tonight and probably getting wasted.”
      - Kyle on his evening’s other options had he not attended an AA meeting

“She can’t even do her own makeup. How’s she going to do somebody else’s?”
      - Aneesa confounded by Tonya’s appointment as makeup manager

“This is the devil’s holiday!”
      - Theo damning Halloween

“I don’t believe in glorifying demons... glorify the birth of Jesus Christ, glorify something worth being glorified!”
      - Theo suggesting more wholesome themes for a Chicago celebration

“I just want to smack some sense into her. I want to smack a few brain cells, like, in the right direction.”
      - Aneesa deciding a beating would do Tonya good

“Tonya and Aneesa love each other. They really do. They care about each other. They just don’t like each other at all.”
      - Kyle figuring out Tonya and Aneesa’s relationship

“What if Nicole was in one of those buildings and died today? You don’t get to call time out and explain a few things to her before she dies.”
      - Kyle awakened to the differences of football and real life by the 9/11 tragedy

“She says there are no attractive men in Chicago. I mean, come on. First of all, I’m from here.”
      - Kyle dismissing Keri’s claim, citing himself as contradictory evidence

“It’s like the New Year’s baby.”
      - Keri describing Aneesa as she runs by naked

“We’re just going to spend some quality time, if that’s what you want to call it.”
      - Aneesa anticipating a booty call

“It’s very difficult for me to say to Keri, ‘I’d prefer if you didn’t go.’ I’m a very nice guy and I do not like doing that to people.”
      - Kyle on why he’s only trying to be an admirable person in leading Keri on by taking her on dates and making out with her

“I think she’s in love with me... I feel bad for her.”
      - Kyle sharing sympathy we all feel for Keri for being attracted to a worthless piece of shit

“I’m too nice sometimes. It’s a liability.”
      - Kyle declaring himself delightful to a fault

Aneesa’s mom: “You’re out peeing at five o’clock in the morning on somebody’s car.”
Aneesa: “I had to pee!”
      - Aneesa defending her actions to her mother

“It’s scary, but I realize I have to go grow up and I have to take responsibility for my actions.”
      - Aneesa on the frightening nature of maturity

“To stay with him, I would be Tonya right now.”
      - Cara clarifying why she (thankfully) dumped Jared

“Cara’s kind of like a kid in a candy store in a big city, but she misses her favorite flavor.”
      - Kyle noting Cara’s indecision between “sampling” around and commitment

“She’s a damn hermit.”
      - Aneesa bitching about Tonya’s unwillingness to leave the house

“I’m not going through any life changing things. I’m not trying to become a new person. There’s not a lot about me that I dislike. I kind of like who I am.”
      - Tonya refusing to let her fabulous personality be altered by her Real World experience

“Don’t lie about it and don’t brag about it when you know it’s artificial.”
      - Aneesa complaining about Tonya flaunting her fake breasts

“She’s trying to make up for something up here because there’s something wrong.”
      - Aneesa gesturing towards her brain

“I’m glad we all talk about each other.”
      - Aneesa as the roommates badmouth one another

“He’s like a dumb football player. He has his finger up his nose 24/7. {He’s} totally a nose-picker and doesn’t care who sees it.”
      - Tonya picking on Kyle

“Girls don’t take out the trash.”
      - Tonya mimicking Keri

“Cara’s very screwed up. She slept with like eight, nine, ten people since we’ve been here... and she takes antidepressants and drinks like a lush. {She has a} raging eating disorder, she weighs two pounds.”
      - Tonya weighing in on Cara

“I deserve anything anybody will ever say about me.”
      - Tonya recognizing her own bitchiness

“When they’re together, it’s something special. It’s so cute. When he hugs her, it’s like ‘I missed you so much’ rather than I want to fuck you.”
      - Aneesa noticing Cara’s relationship with Jared is different than her usual one-night stands

“Cara ate like this three meals a day growing up.”
      - Rhoda, Cara’s mom, giving an unlikely story as she serves a huge steak

“How did you get bigger?”
      - Cara sizing up Jared’s body, hoping his condition isn’t contagious

“Luckily I don’t get all choked up when you sing.”
      - Rhoda excusing herself for appearing unmoved after Cara harmonizes

Jared: “We’re going to need to talk for a little bit.”
Cara: “We’re going to do what?”
      - Cara astonished Jared is taking her back to his place just to talk

“She’s going back to Jared’s dorm room where she spent a lot of her senior year and has a million memories.”
      - Kyle confirming Cara spent most of her college years in bed making “a million memories”

“It seems Jared and Cara have a lot to get off their chests to each other.”
      - Theo on the pair’s relationship, “a lot” meaning their shirts

“I just want everybody to know that this is not because Justin was supposed to come or anything, this is because I’m very sick.”
      - Tonya unconvincingly stating that she’s not going on the group trip solely because of medical reasons

“There’s gonna be women at this party, right?”
      - Theo inquiring after being invited to a party thrown by Chris’s friend

“This message is for Tonya/ Hey babe, it’s Justin/ I cannot go to work/ I can’t go on the trip/ Kidney stones and kidney stones/ And not on the trip and not on the trip/ And Justin’s coming and Justin’s coming/ I can’t go and I can’t go/ Walla Walla/ Kidney stone/ Not on the trip/ Can’t go to work/ Walla Walla Walla Walla Walla Walla Woo!”
      - Kyle singing about Tonya while Keri and Aneesa chant “Justin Justin...” in the background

“You’re staying {home from} the trip because you wanna get your bones blown, back blown out by Justin.”
      - Theo calling out Tonya on her true reasons for remaining in Chicago

“I don’t need this. I don’t need these people. And I certainly the hell don’t need to live with a black guy that’s gonna call me a fucking bitch when he feels necessary.”
      - Tonya demonstrating that the Real World experience hasn’t crushed her prejudices

“I’m trying to listen ‘cause... if something happens, I have to run in there and pull Justin off of Theo.”
      - Kyle justifying why he needs to eavesdrop on Theo and Justin’s conversation and how he’s ready to jump in and play the hero

“Maybe where you come from that’s the language you guys use. Where I come from that’s the language we don’t use.”
      - Justin confounded by Theo’s foul ghetto tongue not heard in his rich, white world

“We all have to go through things in life to make us stronger.”
      - Theo rationalizing that his constant belittling of Tonya will ultimately do her good

“If I was really doing exactly doctor’s orders, I would not be intimate with Justin.”
      - Tonya choosing to not follow certain orders, while strictly adhering to the “no work” instruction

“The odds of me not having something from that dessert table are about the same as Theo hooking up with one of Chris’s gay friends tonight.”
      - Kyle averting attention from his own uneasiness with gays towards easy target Theo

“Nothing but ‘YMCA’ and ‘In The Navy’ playing over and over.”
      - Kyle guessing what Chris’s friend’s party will be like

“Let’s all be ready for the unexpected walking into this.”
      - Kyle preparing himself and Theo for possible homosexual sightings at the party

“I really just don’t think they understand me.”
      - Tonya guessing as to why her roommates ostracize her

Chris: “Hey, babe.”
Tonya: “Hi, honey.”
Chris: “How are you?”
Tonya: “I’m all right. I’ve got some questions to ask you.”
Chris: “Yeah, first of all let’s start with ‘Hi, how are you doing?’”
      - Chris educating Tonya about proper telephone etiquette

“I feel guilty because she likes me a lot.”
      - Cara overestimating her worth to Tonya

“Most of them are superficial.”
      - Tonya drawing a conclusion on her roommates while adjusting her breasts

“I’m not going to let them know any more about me so they can use it against me later.”
      - Tonya realizing that every tidbit concerning her life is incriminating

“I’m ready for the roommates to be home. I’ve gotten a little tired of talking to the fish.”
      - Tonya anticipating her roommates return from New England

“Less flirty, less sexual, and Theo, less, like, like, as if you’re gonna gun her at a club.”
      - Cara stage directing Theo and Aneesa during a spooky scene

“Less hokey.”
      - Cara instructing Tonya during her scene

“Tonya has a whole set of issues around what’s being said behind her back.”
      - Chris on Tonya’s “sudden” paranoia after confessing to her that the others trash-talk her

“She had enough urinary tract infections to last a life time.”
      - Kyle dissing Tonya’s health status

“It’s soo attractive to be shy about sex.”
      - Cara demeaning Tonya for her reserved nature, believing everyone should be as open as she is

“We know she gets shagged like a fucking mule.”
      - Kyle on Tonya’s barnyard fetish

“Her breasts, have you seen them lately? They’re huge, saline, and tan.”
      - Cara taking special note of Tonya’s implants

“Every woman I live with is very jealous of me.”
      - Tonya justifying why she can’t make meaningful connections with her roommates

“I pitch bigger tents than this with my morning wood.”
      - Kyle disappointed with the theater tent’s size, proving just how small it really is

Cara: “You’re not like, ‘Cara, you should get a boob job!’?”
Tonya: “No! Absolutely not. I think you’re gorgeous.”
Cara: (smiling while cupping her bare breasts) “Really?”
Tonya: “Yes. But if you ever thought about it, I’m a good advocate.”
      - Cara discussing breast enhancement with Tonya while naked

“I opened myself up to Cara because... she looks up to me.”
      - Tonya declaring herself Cara’s idol

“I’m struggling with an eating disorder?!”
      - Cara replying to Tonya’s anorexia accusation in utter disbelief

“None of us ever put you on a pedestal.”
      - Keri reassuring Tonya that the roommates don’t hold her in high regard

“The efforts of Cara: she’s busting her ass, she’s bending over backward.”
      - Kyle detailing both Cara’s directing duties and bedroom behavior

“I feel like Cara and Keri are both attracted to me.”
      - Kyle stroking his own ego and cock

“Not that it’s not good, ‘cause it is...”
      - Cara unconvincingly prefacing the news that she wants to can Keri’s “Bloody Mary” script

“The Confessional’s a sort of sacred place, it’s a sort of verbal journal. Neven would any of us intrude of someone’s journal. That’s so invasive and bizarre!”
      - Cara taking Keri to task for joining Kyle in the Confessional while finding nothing wrong with the ever-so uninvasive cameras following her around all day

“Get my fucking name right, Tonya!”
      - Cara after Tonya confuses her with the house’s other “care” name, Keri

“It’s not going to take a long time to figure it out tomorrow.”
      - Cara smiling evilly, certain that she will get her way and “Bloody Mary” will be cut

“I need to accept that scariness turns into bitchiness for you.”
      - Cara acknowledging Tonya’s apology

“Can you just give it to somebody else ‘cause I’m not strong enough to do it?”
      - Tonya asking God to pass her illness along to some other poor sap

“Me and Danielle don’t look into each others eyes when we have sex... and that’s not very nice.”
      - Aneesa wishing for a more caring lover

“When someone’s like, ‘Just get naked!’ it takes the whole sensual, beautiful thing out of undressing someone.”
      - Aneesa lamenting on her love life while Cara nods furiously in agreement

“Okay, other than her clothes, what do you admire about her?”
      - Cara inquiring about Danielle, leaving Aneesa speechless

“Meeting Latonia, I’m thinking I’ll probably be meeting someone else in two weeks, so what do I care about you?”
      - Kyle dismissing Aneesa’s latest date as short-term

“She needs someone to hug her, to love her, ‘cause she didn’t have a father. So now she’s looking for that missing love.”
      - Theo on Aneesa looking for an absent masculine figure... in the form of lesbians

“He’s very much like a computer nerd and has no social interaction. I’m probably it.”
      - Tonya degrading Darrell, the man who bails her out on all her medical bills

“What is a nuisance about this? This is what friends do, this is what roommates do for each other.”
      - Cara insisting to Tonya that driving to the hospital is not a problem after delegating the responsibility to Aneesa

“They’re just gonna scrape you out.”
      - Aneesa easing Tonya’s fears before surgery

“She looks like she’s boring as fuck.”
      - Danielle not impressed with Latonia

“I never can complain again for as long as I live.”
      - Tonya making a vow she’ll break within two minutes

“It’s a very easy shot... Not bad, not bad. It was a tough shot.”
      - Kyle coaching Austin at pool, amending his statement after his brother misses the shot

“Kyle wants to be like this perfect person for everyone. I think it’s making him look like an ass in the process.”
      - Keri summarizing the world’s thoughts

“I’m just worried that it’ll make me look gay... You know me, that’s not how I think, I’m just concerned about it.”
      - Kyle hesitant to model because although he’s not worried about it, he’s still worried about it

“She’s gonna call you a fucking fruit.”
      - Cara warning Kyle what Nicole will think of his modeling

“I was uncomfortable initially with the modeling thing because I just felt overwhelmed with the homosexuality. You know what I mean? But I’m not homophobic.”
      - Kyle overly concerned with appearing gay, yet definitely not closed-minded

“That’s because you’re perfect. You and your little political career you’re fucking planning while you’re here.”
      - Keri dismissing Kyle’s better-than-thou attitude

“I’m doing something responsible instead of... playing with your balls like you do all day long.”
      - Keri revealing Kyle’s propensity towards pocket pool

“Who gives a flying rat’s ass about your image? Be who you are.”
      - Tonya on Kyle’s front while strictly adhering to her own advice

“I swear to God if I have to watch Chris flex in the mirror one more time and do his own model look over the shoulder, I’m gonna beat the fuck out of him.”
      - Tonya tired of Chris’s vanity

“Kyle’s never looked so gay to me, but he did a good job.”
      - Theo commending his friend after modeling

“We’re all going somewhere to be with each other and two of us are over getting some good cardio.”
      - Aneesa dismissing Tonya and Chris’s decision to go to the gym instead of Cara’s performance

“Well, I’m not gonna feel bad about it.”
      - Tonya refusing to apologize for ditching the roommates

“There are times when I stayed in the hospital with you, bitch!”
      - Cara frustrated with Tonya

Chris: “What I’m gonna take with me are six foot prints in my heart.”
Cara: “Six or twelve?”
Chris: “You guys are just a hop.”
      - Chris using shoddy, saccharine metaphors to bid farewell

“I get very uncomfortable with long embraces and just like mushy shit that I feels, like, really shallow.”
      - Tonya not willing to be part of those heartfelt good-byes that are so superficial

“Theo is my heart. He’s like the same person that I am without tits.”
      - Aneesa while baring the aspect that separates her and Theo in the hot tub

“You have a wonderful heart and a wonderful soul. I don’t know {if} you and I should ever talk again.”
      - Cara on her never-ending love for Tonya

“Sort of almost southern belle debutante, but really she’s sort of this manizing she-man.”
      - Cara attempting to compliment Keri

“I turned it down, because I really want to have a long career and I’ve done a lot of theater and stuff like that. So going from theater to Passions, it really isn’t Shakespeare.”
      - Kyle snottily rejecting the only Hollywood offer he’ll ever receive

“If I can stay sober through the Real World, I think I’m doing pretty good.”
      - Chris providing a sobriety update

“I know I get drunk every Tuesday night!”
      - Cara commending Chris

“I got to a point where I realized I couldn’t love Justin the way I wanted to love him if I didn’t really love myself.”
      - Tonya covering her ass after Justin dumped her

“Unfortunately, probably.”
      - Tonya on whether she thought she was portrayed accurately

“Did I actually say ‘land the deal?’”
      - Cara ashamed

“If I were having as much sex as they make it look like I was having, I would be a much happier woman now.”
      - Cara still taking her antidepressants

“I love women too much and I’m not going to disrespect any women on camera.”
      - Theo having only disrespected women off camera

“Oh, you shaved that down there, that’s good.”
      - Theo checking out Aneesa’s crotch

“Look at him, look at me. You think we’re not in adult films?”
      - Kyle motioning towards himself and Chris

“I just farted on the toilet for twenty-five minutes and produced a turd that big.”
      - Cara updating Aneesa on her bowel movement

Brian McFayden: “Your experience on the Real World Chicago, these are memories you could tell your kids about.”
Cara: “Or you couldn’t...”
Aneesa: “I ran around naked, how’d you like that, son?”

“He said package!”
      - Keri giggling after McFayden says package

“Aneesa and Theo used to hit on the same women.”
      - Kyle on the pair’s strong bond

“Not only was she sick, she was away from the only person who loved her.”
      - Kyle belittling Tonya even further

“Tonya, you know I really care about you. I don’t know if you were misrepresented. I don’t think that’s fair to say. That’s who you were.”
      - Cara arguing honest portrayals of her roommates while insisting that of herself was inaccurate