Eat my scab
Survivor Season 11: Guatemala - Episode 7

By animalhouse
10/28/2005

"We never, ever do nothin' nice and easy"

"We always do it nice and rough!" - Tina Turner

In that spirit, I do this summary.

Nice and rough.

As in, "executed hastily."

(Another rough part? Not being able to get the VCR to work. My facts may not be straight.)

Judd talks. He gloats because Margaret got voted off. He says something about her being a mother to the group. Like a Lost Boy, he shot her down.

Continuing in the eerie green of night-vision, Bobby Jon pulls at his shirt. It adheres to his shoulder. He is either a victim of the most poorly sewn-on epaulets in history or he has open, sticky friction burns the size of silver dollars.

Bobby Jon says something about being willing to reopen his wounds as many times as there are dollars in the Survivor payoff that he is hoping to win. He is looking for the "gold rush" at the end of the rainbow. The first part I kinda made up. The second part is all Bobby.

The two tribes meet for a reward challenge. The reward is chocolate and a zip-line tour of the jungle. Four members of each tribe must wind themselves in a fabric sash, one at a time. A fifth member can assist them.

In the process, Stephanie wears Lydia like a bad Halloween costume. She practically carries Lydia and another woman (Cindy?) as they do-sa-do around a pole, gathering material around their bodies as they go. One wraps, two, three, four, until they are all bound together. Then they unwind and run to the tribe's mat. I don't know. I am dizzy. I bet the producers expected the survivors to be dizzy too. For that they would have had to move quickly... Wait! There is one poorly wrapped bundle of Survivors on the ground. Flailing.

Nakum wins the reward.

I want to misquote something.

By the shores of Gitche Gumee,
By the shining Big-Sea-Water,
Stood the wigwam of Nakumins

I just misquoted the winning team. I am getting names and numbers from a bad source -- in addition to my not-paying-attention head. I should never have started using tribe names without learning who's on first and what's on second.

It is Yaxha that wins the reward? I think. SOS.

The reward is chocolate and a zip-line tour of the jungle. Talk about a bum's rush. The winning tribe members (Amy, Bobby, Danni, Gray Gary, the Deliverance Boy ) get to hang from a wire and let gravity take them down into a valley where a chocolate buffet awaits.

Amy hates the fifteen-second tour. Brandon says he never knew of the existence of the modern marvel called the zip line.

If the Jeopardy answer was: A little goes a long way. The question would be: What is chocolate. The gang eats as much chocolate as they can (four malted milk balls, one Rocher ball each and a tablespoon of chocolate coated Craisins®) then wash it down with rich, delicious Ovaltine. Barf. Maybe the worst reward ever.

Nakum members are playing Crazy Leaves. Rafe made the regulation deck of cards with green leaves and lip gloss markings. Actually they play a rousing game of Deserted Too Long Uno. Stephanie tells someone that the stem end marks the bottom of the cards...and it goes without saying that playing cards with leaves marks the end of their sanity.

Danni and the rest of her Yaxha tribe members boat over to the Nakum campground to invite them to her birthday/pool party. Jamie hears them coming and suggests that his tribe pretend they are not home, but then realizes that the leaf car in the driveway will give them away.

Jamie grumbles about having to make nice with the other team, but they go with them anyway and they have fun, just like their moms told them they would. The pools is delightful for all -- until Judd climbs out in his (please-let-them-remain-opaque) underwear. Actually, it got ugly before that, when minnows were eating Bobby Jon's shoulder scabs, and uglier still when Bobby tried to eat the fish back.

The Immunity challenge has to do with a puzzle that looks like a giant Mayan calendar. The pieces are buried and semi-buried in the sand. I nap while they run from puzzle pieces pile to a holding spot. And back and forth. And repeat. I plan a Thanksgiving menu and do calligraphy place cards, then check back. Both teams have several puzzle pieces by now. I knit something, after taking a month of lessons during the challenge. Everyone is hopeful that the tribes will soon locate the Mayan equivalent of March, April and December. They dig. I wait. Someone shaves the muscle off of Stephanie's shin with a massive puzzle piece. She dances. They dig. I use the Mayan calendar to time the rest of the challenge.

Finally Nakum wins. Way after I stopped caring.

The editors drag a red herring (or is that a piece of Stephanie's missing shin?) trying to lead us to believe that Bobby Jon will be voted off.

Amy tries to make a deal. (That reminds me. She threatened Gary earlier. Something about haunting his house after the show. Or was it his make-believe landscaping service. Or shoving her cankle somewhere. I can't even care. Gary didn't either. He was too busy looking emaciated.) It is too late.

Bobby Jon writes down Amy's name, and says she is the realest really real person he has ever known or could ever hope to know.

Jeff reads the votes. Amy. Bobby Jon. Then a bunch of Amys.

Amy leaves.

I leaf.

That was rough.

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